I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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