I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
