I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
