so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
