I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize