FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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