I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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