the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
