So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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