Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
