Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
