remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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