I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
