did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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