your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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