i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
