In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
