How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
