god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize