You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
