you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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