i wish my penis had a tongue
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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