What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize