you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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