You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
