I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
