Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
