apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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