So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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