Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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