Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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