I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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