I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
