well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
