I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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