who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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