In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he shaved USA in his pubs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
