Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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