I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
