youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
