My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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