i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
