It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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