How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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