I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
