**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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