I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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