Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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