I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
