It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
