Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
