We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
