i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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