this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
