Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
