So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
