if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
