I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
