sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
