We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
