To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
