So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
