Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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