Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
