so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
