3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
