i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize