I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
