So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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