He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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