The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
