Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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