forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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