Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
