i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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