If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
