this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
