Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
