Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
