Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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