Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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