Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
