Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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