I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
