Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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