Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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