She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
