The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
