I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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