There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
