remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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