This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
