Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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