She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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