is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
