I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
