guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
