batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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