so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
