So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dicks are not precious.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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