I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
