can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
