i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
